Post by 1wd on Oct 11, 2012 21:17:21 GMT 10
My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that….2:30am?!
Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.
Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador."Really, …" says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind"
I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest p*nis she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling my leg".
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified.
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time....
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a Coffin.
3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they've lost the plot!!
My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £50!
Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
Statistically speaking, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not Happy.
I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.
I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.
I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked . The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable.
I thought to myself 'that guy's heading for a breakdown.'
On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said 'English speaking Doctor'
I thought, 'What a good idea, why don't we have them in our country?'
Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.
Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador."Really, …" says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind"
I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest p*nis she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling my leg".
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified.
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time....
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a Coffin.
3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they've lost the plot!!
My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £50!
Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
Statistically speaking, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not Happy.
I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.
I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.
I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked . The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable.
I thought to myself 'that guy's heading for a breakdown.'
On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said 'English speaking Doctor'
I thought, 'What a good idea, why don't we have them in our country?'
